Changing your mindsets...

I have done it before. 

 I can do it again. 

 Then why am I having such a hard time?

 I feel like I can relate tothe passage in Romans 7. The Message version below.

  15 What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.

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	16 So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.
	17 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help!
	18 I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it.
.	19 I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway.
	20 My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
	21 It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up.
	22 I truly delight in God's commands,
	23 but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
	24 I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
	25 The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. My husband and I were talking about this just this morning.  As he posed the question, "What do you think you will say when you meet Jesus face to face for the first time?" I think I will be like Isaiah when God appeared in a vision.  I will fall on my face and just want to ask for forgiveness for all the times I blew it trusting Him for deliverance from issues.  He has shown up at other times and revealed something to me that allows me to get through it. Then in then life gets busy and I get distracted.  Temptation comes and I forget to turn around to remember what I already know to be true. I have a few issues righ now I would love to have breakthrough that just instantly changes the struggle to victory.  I think that this time God wants me to fight for my freedom.  What might that look like? I think this morning he gave me an action plan.  This one is going to take some time, some mind power and maybe some elbow grease as well. Proverbs 4:20-27 or Psalms 119:9-16  both talk about meditating on his Word...to us that is our Bible.  Proverbs talks about His Word  being in the middle of your life.  Both passages  talk about keeping the word before you and knowing it by memory. It comes with a few IF promises. The promise is IF we seek Him and lean in him and hide his word in our heart that  health will come to our bodies, find purity for our souls, and direction for our path.  Ultimately freedom will open before us. My husband concluded our conversation by saying.  You need to pray that God will change your heart and your desire for those things.  Pray that he will step in and help.  That he will give you His strength to make the changes neccesary.  He is also going to have to help me with memorizing the verses he points out. Open up my mind and make my brain like a sponge that soaks in the information making the connections that will help me to recall his Words when I am in the moment of temptation. It will be a process. It will require work and time.  I hope I am up for the challenge...wait...yes I am because... With God all things are possible.

Trying to Impress vs Pleases the Lord

Current topic: 

The Super Woman vs Abiding Woman

(for explination see previous post)

The world we live in today screams a message at us everyday: 

YOU HAVE TO STRIVE TO BE BETTER THAN YOU ARE! 

You have to be skinnier. 

You have to dress better. 

You have to own all the right "toys". 

You have to live in the right neighborhood. 

You have to make more money.

IT'S ALL ABOUT ME...IF I HAVE IT SO OTHERS WILL LIKE ME TO!!! 

 IMPRESS THEM!!

What happens if you can't do all these things?

You hear messages like...

I am not enough.

I failed.

Life isn't worth it.

It's not fair.

Super woman buys into these philosophies.  I don't think it is always intentional.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good or have nice things. 

It is when it consumes you that it becomes a problem. 

The Bible states that anything that holds more of your attention (consumes you) more than God is an idol. 

Proverbs 29:25

The fear of man brings a snare (as a lure or bait);

but he who trust in the Lord will be exalted (to be set securely on high). nasb

The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that. msg

What is the lure?

Oh if people like me I will feel better, my life will be more meaningful.

I matter to people.  People like me.

Where do we get caught??

It could be letting other people dictate you self worth.

"Do they really like me for me of just for what I can do for them?" might be a question you ask yourself.

Or  the flip side...

"I can't do that or I messed up so now they will not like me."

If you are this person sometimes you get your motivations mixed up for why you are doing something.  It is hard for you to say no because they need somebody. 

Then you get busy...which is piggybacks off yesterday post...you can't be an IS if you are a DOES.

Any of these message distracts from the real purpose for your life.

WHERE IS THE HOPE?

Proverbs says  to trust in the Lord for safety from the snares.

Trust here means have confidence in.

Confidence, in Encarta  Dictionary, illudes to the idea

 that is based on a relationship of intamacy.

It implies that there is a belief that we will be well taken care of,

and that the person in charge (God in this case) knows the plan and

 He can do something about it.  

So the proper response should be pretty easy just trust and have confidence in God...

How many of us struggle with that? 

We have to know God and according to Ephesians 5:7-11 (below)

There fore, do not be partaker with them (deeds done before you were made new by Christ)

for you were formerly darkness

but now you are light in the Lord;

walk as children of the light

(for the fruit of light consits in all goodness and righteousness and truth)

trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.

once we are IN CHRIST we are new creatures. There is a new reality.  Living in the light.  When my daughter wakes up in the morning her room is dark and she just stands there in her soggy diaper crying for relief, she is still stumbling around because she has not found the center of balance yet. 
I walk in turn on the light and instantly she squints and covers her face for just a moment.  It doesn't last long because she wants to see me.  She loves the idea that I am going to pick her up, snuggle with her and then get her out of her heavy diaper.  As she gets a custom to the light she walks around, exploring her surroundings and gaining that balance.
  It  is the same way with us.  Wether we realize it our night before we come to a saving knowledge of Christ and  His sacrafice and gift..before we accept that and make Him LORD of our life we have heavy stinky baggage and we are stumbling around in the darkness trying to figure out this life.
BUT
As soon as that truth becomes a reality heart felt belief the lights come on. 
Then little by little we try to learn what pleases Him and
We try to trust Him and obey the revealed truth
That requires a little work being intentional about
Getting to know Him
Seeking out truth
Making choices to Obey what he shows us.
We need people who are also walking in the light to be on the journey with us so we can learn from them and have support when those hard trials come.

WHAT IS THE REWARD? 
If we seek Him with all our heart we will find Him. Matthew 6:33
He changes us into a new creation that has a soft heart instead of a heart of stone. Ezekiel 36:26-27
Becoming more and more like Jesus beccause we will have greater knowledge of who he is and h much he loves us. Col. 1:21-23
He will keep us safe because He is our defender, deliverer, provider, and our refuge. Pr. 29:25
Honestly the biggest reward is in the after live forever with him in the perfection and beauty of heaven.

Now you have to choose...
Who will you listen to ...
Impress Me!!!
OR
Please the Lord
Who will you choose?

IS vs DOES? Who will win the battle?

I ran across this post on facebook the other day, it compared a "Super woman" to an "Abiding woman". It was posted on Bethany Conner's page so I don't know if she personally wrote this comparison or if it was some one else. 

Super woman

makes me think of the intro to Superman; if he were a woman it would say she is able to leap buildings in a single bound, she can run to the rescue faster than you can blink, and stop bullets with her own hand.  She can do all the above things because of she is so strong but in all reality she is not human.

Abiding Woman

The word abiding according to websters dictionary has 4 definitions

1. to find something tolerable or bearable

2. to live and reside in a place

3. to live or to wait for something

4. to endure or withstand something

This makes me think of John 15 and the illustration of the vine and the branches

 vs 4-5 below

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
5 "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.

The whole chapter uses the picture of a vine that has branches that are grafted in.   I was watching videos of how this is done. The vine is cut from one plant and taken to a new vine. The new vine is cut just enough that there is contact of the inner flesh of the branch and the vine. They taped them together so they are secured/held in place until the two fuse and begin to produce new life. The vine apart from that branch will die it needs a source of strength that is not it's own.

These pictures really made think about who I am and what I am doing in this one time thing called My Life. I am going to take each point apart by disecting it, having a selah moment or two, then try to digest and live it. In other words this could end up being several blogs.

The first comparison was  the super woman DOES, while the abiding woman IS.

These two words seem very simple but yet there are complex attitudes, actions, and emotions attached to each one. 
Do you see the difference of DOES and IS? 

Does is busy working and striving for something.  She is busy busy busy.  I picture her as the one who is trying to please  and serve others.  Biblical example would be Martha.  She was working to make a good and comfortable place so all is perfect.  Mary sits at the feet  of Jesus.  He rebukes Martha and commends Mary. ... Hmmm that is me alot of the time. 

What does an  IS woman look like.  The post included a verse  Psalm 46:10.  For the sake of context I am going to give you the whole chapter below.

For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to" alamoth. "A song."

1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.5 God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. 6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.7 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.8 Come and see what the LORD has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth. 9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire.

10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." 11 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

^{Looking at the first 2 words in the text ...Be still...}

^{I looked up still in the Hebrew...meaning weakness, idleness, feeble ,staying, relax or withdraw.  Now isn't that a polar oppostie.  The note in my Bible to says to cease warlike activities  and consider God,  acknowledge his supremacy.  That takes us to Know. In the Hebrew there are many meeting but they all hing upon these terms: To recognize, admit acknowledge, confess, to reveal, to consider,to be instructed.   To me this means it is time to look at who God is which is what the psalmist did before he ever penned these words. Let him grow his picture of who he is.} 

^{How does that apply to becoming  an IS woman?  If I am an IS woman, I am dead to my old self, (the person that has to do it all)  instead I am sitting before God realizing my strength comes from Him. That made me think of the the song Who am I by Casting Crowns..I was listening to an interview with 2 people from the band. The singer and  songwriter said that as He wrote was writing the song God began reminding him of what he wasn't so He could remind Him who he was in Him.  So in that we are weak  feeble and unable but as we are still, dwell on who God is, and  live a life of abiding (stay remain, wait for him) by faith He makes us strong to fulfill his purposes. I included a link below I hope you enjoy it and sit still and be an a serene state of IS instead of a  busy chaotic state of DOES today.} 

Who am i casting crowns

How big is my God?

I have just been in awe of God lately. It actually started  about a month ago.  I  was watching a Francis Chan clip from his book "Crazy Love."  In this clip he talks about prayer and worship.  He wondered if we just pray or do we really think about who we are praying too.  This got me to thinking:  I was having a heck of a time even wanting to take the time to pray.

I started reading the stories of when God describes himself or reveals his glory to people.  Common phrases I found were shining like the sun, white as snow, like flames of fire, voice like the sound of many waters, surrounded by angels, if you looked at his face you would  die.  So the people that encountered this what was thier response.  They fell on thier faces in fear of the Lord, repented of sin and took off their shoes due to His holiness. Faces had to be covered due to His radiance, they listened and obeyed because told them not to fear and because I am sure His voice demanded respect.

Then I started thinking about how I read the Bible.  Why???  The Bible this amazing God's Words and instructions to me.  I do not want to be like the people in John 5:36-39msg.  

     36 But the witness that really confirms me far exceeds John's witness. It's the work the

          Father gave me to complete. These very tasks, as I go about completing them, confirm

         that the Father, in fact, sent me. 37 The Father who sent me, confirmed me. And you

          missed it. You never heard his voice, you never saw his appearance. 38 There is

          nothing left in your memory of his Message because you do not take his Messenger

          seriously. 39 "You have your heads in your Bibles constantly because you think you'll

          find eternal life there. But you miss the forest for the trees. These Scriptures are all about me! 

They had Jesus right there in front of them as well as the scripture and they missed Him because they were so busy trying to obey man made rules that the word written on the scrolls that they were memorizing for years were just that merely words.  They choked out the life.  They didn't let God change them because they were not focused on Him.  Instead they were focused on themselves   

Sometimes I think I get caught up in some of that.  I let other things capture my attention then I contemplate and worry and then I even fear it.  The other night my husband said to me you need to let that thought grow wings and fly away before it nests.   At first ,I was upset that he didn't care about like I did.  Then I  realized he is right.  I am not trusting the God of the Universe.  The God that I see in scripture that did miracle after miracle.  I am not trusting that he cares about me even though he paid the ultimate sacrafice for me.  God has given us the oppurtunity to believe Him for who He is and what He can do.  When I don't do that I am my own worst enemy.  I need to stop and focus on the truth of His Word to be reminded of who he is and what He has promised us.  He has given us a piece of Him through the Spirit so as I wrestle with my flesh to put it to death I must pray.  I must thank him for who he is  so I remember His power and glory and ask the omnipresent, omniscent, God  to help me  figure out what I need to do to fall in line with His plan since He created the Universe and me. Then I need to play my part if it is something I can change and if not hold it with open hands to God and let Him, the Almight God move  and do what only he can do.

The old Hymn does hold the Key

Trust and Obey for in no other way
  to be happy in Jesus but to Trust and Obey.

When the lights went out in Wamego

What a day!!! 

• Charleigh woke up at 2:30, 4:30, 6:00 then only took a 1/2 an hour nap this morning.
• New boy here today...actually he has been really good.  A little annoyed with Charleigh following him around wanting to do whatever he does.
• They city warned us a week ago that the transformer that is in the yard behind mine was leaking and they need to replace it and they would change out electric lines at the same time.  Since there are no alleys on this side of town they wanted to know if they could drive a truck through our newly planted grasss to get the transformer into the other peoples yard.
•   They started digging a DEEP hole in our yard on Wednesday.  I asked if we would loose power the day that they would be doing all the work.  I asked 3 times with the reply someone will have to call you back or it will only be for about 30 minutes.  Well this morning at 8:15 someone knocked on the door telling  me they will be taking down the fence at 10:45,  So I got the kids ready to go outside only to see them taking down the fence already so no going outside for us today....GRRR!!!!  
•  They  also informed me that the electricity will be shut off for 2 hours or so starting at 1 PM.  Luckily the high today is only suppose  to be in the 90s.  So when I got Charleigh up from her nap I look out the window the  transformer is sitting there and there are no electric workers anywhere to be seen.
• I have turned down the AC so the house will be extra cool when they start so hopefully we can endure through the two hours they will be working.

God please give me patience with the things that are going on that are beyond my control and just enjoy the good things like these 3 little children who are being so good today!!!

Mosquitoes are keeping us on the move...

How do you feel about mosquitoes?  Are they a pest that you would like to get rid of? Our family has a little bit different take on them. They are our lively hood ... their existence pays our bills.  If you are scratching your head when I say this let me fill you in.  My husband  is an entomologist who raises  mosquitoes and biting midges. This month our whole family is traveling with him through 5 states  trying to capture these little pests so they can   involuntarily be a part of a research project.  They will become the star of the show. So far we have  traveled 2500 miles in a little less than 2 weeks.  The moon is approximately 250,000 miles away from earth so we have  traveled 1/100 of the way there and we still have 3 states to cover.

The trip before we left was stressing me out because I am a planner.  Usually before I leave on a trip I know exactly where we are going, how long we are going to be there and where we will stay.  This trip I didn't know any of that. I kept asking questions which was driving my husband crazy.   Now after traveling for almost two weeks I realize that the lack of planning has been a blessing in disguise.  It has allowed my husband and I to have to communicate and make decisions together more than our usual trips.  It has also allowed us to be flexible since we are traveling with our 7 month old.  Having a child a long at times has changed all the rules so due to the nature of the trip and our wee one there are some people who I would have loved to have seen on this trip that I probably will not get to connect with. 

The other blessing  has been getting to understand more of the complexity of what my husband does for his job. When Bill and I go to social gathering one of the common questions is "What do you do for your job?"  I listen to his answers thinking how sciency they sound not really understanding  anything he is saying fully.  I usually zone out trying to  look interested. On this trip my title is a volunteer.  I thought that meant I was pretty much a warm body doing the same thing I do at the parties, but I have actually been quite busy.  I have been calling mosquito abatement  centers everyday looking for contacts, explaining the project as much as I can.  I have been sending and answering emails, logging all the information, looking for  trapping sites and booking hotel room.  Bill has been driving,  setting up traps, sorting mosquitoes, making sure the contacts have what they need and understand all the protocols, and building re pore  for positive partnership to be established. We have been praying  for mosquitoes but  so far God has not answered as we expected.  Instead he has allowed us to make GREAT contacts with people who have been trapping in their areas who are  going to trap over a period of time.    They  have also given us contacts in other areas.  Some places got the email that Bill's boss sent ou  introducing the study and just did not take the time to respond because they have been busy.  They needed the information explained personally and then they are more than willing to help.

Charleigh's job on this trip was to be a good traveler who is adorable.  She has done a pretty good job with that. She has had many first experiences.  She probably will not  remember  any of them but at least she is having her life enriched. She has started standing but no walking yet but it wont be long.   

Obsessions out of control on four wheels

As I have been thinking about what I am thinking about, I have realized I am obsessed about things.  The things I obsess over  can be small or they can be large.These things capture my attention for a short time and then I find I get distracted from the task only to get swept up by the next.  Sometime I think that I have ADD.

I have found my husband can be just as obsessed with things sometimes but not nearly as often as me.  His latest obsession is the idea of me starting a roller hockey league.  This began on Friday at dinner.  He nonchalantly made the proposal. It shocked me and my answer was, "NO WAY!  That is not what I would ever want to do."  Saturday the mail came and  included in the pile of traditional junk mail was  a DVD from netflix.  What was it?  Whip It! : The new movie out the depicts the roller derby culture.  It is a cute movie and does a good job showing 2 characters both in the roller culture and the normalcy of their "real" life.  Then my argument  was I would not fit in to the culture of violence. This culture seems to envelope who they are on the track even down to the nickname they take. I have not been in a physical fight since 5th grade and even that one was lame. So I can't imagine throwing an elbow or tripiping someone just to make a point in a "game". After all the meaning of my name is "bringer of peace" and your personality  ALWAYS follows the meaning of your name, right? (sarcasm intended)  LOL

I thought that the discussion was over until he wrote a blog listing all the reasons I should do it. http://extra-toe.blogspot.com/2011/06/roller-derby-danae.html?spref=fb  Some of the reasons are valid others it was easy to find an argument so here is my thought about his thoughts.

1. As I said before I do like to plan but even when I get a vision for something grand I need a person beside me who is the brains behind it all.  Why you might ask, because in my planning I need someone to ask my millions of  questions to think through all the details I forget about.  So a whole league seems like a huge daunting task.  So maybe if there was a league I could organize a team.
2. To me the culture of roller derby seems so  violent.  As I stated before I am not one to throw an elbow just to get my way.  The toughening up my husband mentions is mainly emotional which I think is just because I am a woman so I am not sure how much you can cure.  My fear is that it might drive him even more crazy because in all that he might hear more whining about all my aches and pains due to being hit and the bills for possible injuries might be costly. 
3. -5. As far as getting aggressive to get things out to be happier; I think I would rather go to for a run or  do kick boxing.  So why don't I...most of the reasons are another matter for another day...again one of those thinking issues that needs to be thought through a little more...the one reason that blatantly stares me in the face is having someone to do it with to keep me accountable.  When I was training for the race a ran a couple years ago I had 2 partners in crime so I knew I had to keep up with them. In that regard roller derby would have a team...but then again that would take time...another one of my arguments...with a baby in the house do I really have the time to invest in this.  On the other hand, it would be great exercise for the fact that you are trying to get around the  circular track  quickly in order to score the points.  I can roller skate and I do like it. I can remember learning to roller skate when I was a kid. The church I grew up in would have roller skating nights. The college and singles group would take us young kids out on the smooth surface. They would sandwich me in the middle holding my hands for balance.  A couple of the guys had the philosophy that the key was to go fast so they would start off gradually picking up speed and then whoosh me around  so that  I had to balance on my own. Once again I have an argument....I was never a speed skater.  I never won a race and so eventually I hated going out in the middle to be the skeptical for the crowd.  So even though it would probably help the body I am not one to show things off just because I can.

6.  Last but not least I do agree that I need to be more active to be a good role model to my daughter but  I think...I would rather be active with her...when I was being diligent with exercise I was taking her with me in the jogger stroller for a run and we still do walk every morning weather permitting. I intend to go to the pool to get her exposed to the water I can do water exercises at the same time.  I have seen baby and mama workouts where you do it with baby.  Eventually she will grow up and we can ride bikes and play tag or soccer together.  I can teach her good sportsmanship through her own experiences she has and not just her watching me throw the elbow.

So I think my biggest argument is what I was reading about this morning in the Bible.  Something I am trying to learn as a general life lesson.  I  can't just do it to please men.  It has to be desire God gives me.  Right now  it's not ...maybe it would grow on me.  Maybe I could be a light in this culture but until I hear " a word"  my answer is not right now.

I must admit I have had a fleeting thought that maybe I should go get a pair of skates just for exercise...but then I wonder if I would kill myself skating in our hilly neighborhood.  The moral and underlining theme is I need  to make a plan for activity and stick to it just for me!!!

A hay wagon ride down memory lane to where the buffalo roam...

It was a brisk summer night out of the farm with children laughing and singing songs as we climbed on the hay wagon.  It had been  western night at the long weekend retreat we (City Impact volunteers http://www.cityimpact.org/) had been hosting for the 40 low income children we had been teaching in Bible Clubs. We had roped hay bale steers, rode horses and other activities surrounding life in the country.  Most of the children had never done any of the activities so it had been a fun and eventful day of intrigue for them.

As we loaded the hay wagon I had sat next to two little girls.  One of them was very apprehensive.  I kept assuring her that it was safe.  She finally climbed up next to me.  I wrapped my arm around her.  As the tractor took off across the field all the kids were recalling the fun events of the day and then we broke out in song.

All of a sudden we felt a jolt...and the next thing I knew I was on the ground recalling where all my organs were located in my body...then someone yelling, "Back up,  hurry!"  Pressure released and I recoiled, springing to my feet.  I had been pinned under the tire of the hay wagon. It had rained several days before.  The water  had washed a small area out.  The tractor tires were big enough to take the pothole with no effect.  The wagon was not so lucky the tire hit the hole and tipped just enough to dump  quite a few of us on the ground.

 My first reaction was to checked on the little girl who was next to me.  She was fine. I then made my rounds  to all the others who were laying on the ground.  Everyone kept asking me if I was OK.  "Of course I am.",  I replied.  Then, I found a little girl who was still on the wagon crying.  She had been in my club the last few years so I tried to climb up to help her...that was when I realized...I really was hurt. 

One of the guys took off his shirt making a sling for me.  Off across the field we went toward the house.  He was recalling the events of the evening marveling at how comforting to others I had been despite what had just happened and how much pain I was in. One of the things he told me was how I responded to the little girl who was still wrapped in my arm.  I guess I kept telling her over and over again, "It is going to be OK. Just stay calm."  She was not hurt in the whole ordeal.

Once we had arrived at the house.  I walked in and the paramedics put me on the couch checking my vitals.  It seemed as everything looked OK.  I waited as they checked all the other kids.  A gentleman walked in the door asking, "Are you okay?"  All of a sudden it dawned on me.  I wasn't even suppose to have been there that evening.  I was suppose to be having dinner with him.  I had stayed at the retreat because they were shorthanded.

They put me on a stretcher and rolled me to the ambulance.  Couple of the girls that had minor injuries slid in on the bench across from me timidly.  I was talking with the paramedics and trying to assure the girls it was safe to tell them things about themselves and the fun day we had.  The last thing I remember before going into shock was the paramedic asking one of the girls her take on the evening.  "We were havin' fun and singing...(pause)... and then we all fell off." was her reply.  I ended up injuring my rotators cuff and my wrist.  Nothing a little time and physical therapy wouldn't cure.

To this day I am leery of hay rack rides.  So when I got the email from the mom's club about going to the Dillinger's Buffalo Ranch and read that you took a hay ride to the buffalo I swallowed hard.  Should I go?  Should I  take my daughter to such an event or not.  I decided it was a beautiful day so we were going to do it.  We arrived.  We got to touch the pelts, horns and bones of this wild animal that is unafraid of anything before even getting on the wagon. When we came out of the barn I saw my nemesis.  My pulse quickened. The  wagon looked safe.  It had bars on all sides so surely nothing will happen.  As we left I noticed we were on a path that eased my mind.    Then all of a sudden we were in a field....memories flooded me and I found my heart pounding and my mind saying its gonna be OK.  Then we entered a wooded thicket...crossed a small creek....mind still racing....came to a fence...went in and stopped...deep breath and sigh of relief.

Once we stopped the buffalo came and surrounded the wagon.  The kids got buckets of pellets they could feed the buffalo.  Some were timid and just threw them at the beasts.  Others let them eat right out of there hands.  There were babies among them who follow close to their mothers.  They were not allowed to venture to close to the wagon.  I guess buffaloes have a matriarchal hierarchy. 

Exposing Charleigh to the buffalo was fun.  I am not sure how impressed she was with the massive animals.  She watched the kids as the fed the buffaloes more than the animals I think.  But the trip was worth it because I had to face a fear to do something fun for my daughter.  And I think I pulled it off with no one even knowing how apprehensive I was.

Change of mindset

On January 1st we always make such high and lofty resolutions.   Most of us make them know that we will break them.  Some of us avoid making them for the very same reason.  I make them...usually saying in my head "good goal but I will fall into the status quoe" (now if that isn't fatalistic thinking). 

Well I have a confession to make...I fell off the band wagon  again.  I am glad we can start over when we don't succeed.  I keep going back in my mind to the T.V. show The Biggest Loser and those things that they had to do to do to get over themselves.  Fear, not thinking they are worth it, doing it for someone else, a defeatest attitude.

They constanted repeated to the trainers why  they were there.  Even when they thought they had arrived they found  there was still more to learn.  I think I am on a path to learn some of these lessons for myself but in a little bit different way. Instead of having someone screaming in my face and making me do it I think I need encouragement.

The thing that made me realize that is at church tonight I 2 people who had no idea about my struggle came up to me at church last night and complemented me. Before that I had been so down on myself about being off track that I think I was becoming my own worst enemy again.  But when these 2 people said that my mindset instantly changed.

When I was on the wieght loss journey before pregnancy I was going to Weight Watcher Meeting faithfully and hearing tips each week from people who were or had gone down the same road.  We were all rejoiceing when there were successes and we could talk about how to get over the failures.  So I am going to start tracking point again  but this time my  focus is going to be on dealing with my thought life. I am making an daily thought calendar that I can record some of the self talk that goes through my head, feelings I am having, successes and defeats that I experience.  I might not blog about them all but they will be out there for me to see and  acknowledge.

I am going to replace the bad and the ugly with good by finding scriptures that pertain to who I am in Christ and to the  battles that go on in my mind so I can claim truth, because ultimately for me that is the goal to transform from the inside out.  I want to remember  who God is  and what Jesus has done for me so I can reframe my reality and find my success and freedom in and through Him and his sacrafice.  I want to do it not because it is a religious ritual but because accepting Him into my life and making him real for me 20 years ago changed my life for the better giving me hope because of His love, grace, and mercy.  I want to fall back in love with Him and in turn find a new acceptance of myself.

All this is going to make me a better person.  Because when I picture myself in my head at success I am able to see a person who has a  smile on her face, a spring in her step, holding hands with her  daughter and her husband while walking into the sunset on a sandy beach or on a hike in the mountians.  A person who is not afraid, who is confident in who she is, who is teaching the next generation how to walk with their heads held high too.  A person who believes in herself because the God of the universe says she was  wonderfully made.  I picture a woman who is ready to tackle the world because there is nothing holding back because she has faith that everything is in God's hands and He is not going to let anything happen that He can not redeem for good.

So here I go I am at the bottom of another mountain peak, the small windy trail before me, trekking poles in hand.  I am taking the first step and now it is simple process.

This is not my daughter although she is getting close to this procsess

  This is a lesson I can learn with my daughter.  One step at a time...one foot in front of the other...when you lose your balance and fall over...pick yourself up...brush off the dust and keep going....  I am ready to climb this mountian by faith because it is in my way.

Time to do and sit...

Hi My name is DaNae and I am a doer. 

I have a need in me to be doing something all the time.  This drives my husband crazy as he is a sitter.  He enjoys relaxing reading a book, playing a video game, or just fellowships with people.

  For example when we lived in Laramie we would be at Wendy's with our circle of friends.  After eating and talking, I would ask what the plan for the afternoon was.  Nobody really knew.  Ideas would be discussed of how we could spend the day but then would slowly  digress into side topics.  So I would pose the question again...because I need a plan to wrap my mind around.   One time one of our friends timed me with how long it took me to ask for the 2nd and 3rd time....15 minutes. 

Or when we had Charleigh's 1/2 year birthday party.  While Bill sat talking to all the gentlemen I fluttered around the house making sure needs were met, kids had things to do and brownies were served.  Do I have a problem?

Why do I include the confession of a doer?  The bible story of Mary and Martha and the contrast of Martha's busy life to Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus has been following me around since I started  thinking about doing the 31 Days to Clean Book.   I am inching along in the book because life has been full of activity as well as the fridge being full of food so task one of cleaning it out has seemed daunting.  I thought maybe if I postponed reading more of the book the "theme"  would go away.  No such luck.  Instead it has taken a twist that has made another more pressing issue clear to me. 

I think I have allowed my doer personality creep into my spiritual walk.  So now devotion to Jesus looks more like Martha scurrying around the house than Mary sitting with Jesus to know Him and fall in love with Him more.  I am  trying to put out "fires" in my own power instead of  relying on Him.

So my prayer for me right now is that he would change the desires of my heart to first falling in love with Jesus again.  I am thanking Him for his grace to start a new day fresh with Him.
My final prayer is that he would transform me from the inside out.  Hopefully as this metamorphosis takes place I will in turn become a better wife mother and friend in the process...someone who can enjoy the present moment and not always working for and wondering about the next. 

P.S.  I finally cleaned out the fridgerator.  I had not done it since we moved in almost a year ago.  It was gross!!!  Now that it is clean the goal is to maintain it to a certain degree.  Next project is the kitchen cabinets and drawers.  Now that I do not have children and we are not traveling for awhile I will be focusing on tasks around the house.  Cleaning first, weeding, and finally painting the deck and the downstairs bathroom.

Chalking it up as a drill

Dorthy you know you are in Kansas when you react the way I did today.

In Wyoming I can remember having a tornado 5 times. 3 of those were when I was a child. I don't remember much except my 6th grade teacher saying that if you come across someone who is getting hysterical you were suppose to hit them and the destruction in Cheyenne after one in 1979.  The last 2 happened when I was a teacher.  To keep the kids calm we read and sang songs as we waited for someone to tell us we were safe. I don't remember doing very many tornado drills as a child Since we live in tornado "alley" State Regulations for a In Home Day Care you have to practice doing a fire drill and a tornado drill every month. I have only done the drill once.

Today's forecast:  Rainy with thunderstorms through out the day high 65.

Put girls down for nap around 10 AM.
 Girls slept really well, thank you Jesus.
 I had started making lunch when it happened.

 The disaster sirens went off.  I am not sure what freaked me out more the fact that there have been  category 5 tornadoes rip through towns  in the region we live in, or it was the talk that K-Love had that stated  they had realized that material things that seem like our safe place can get ripped out of your hands in just a moment.  No matter what the reason I sprang into action.

I ran down the hall into the sleeping room.  I scooped the little girl I watch up in  a football hold and ran to Charleigh's  room and scooped her up. I ran downstairs and plopped them down in the bathroom.  I got them toys so they would have something to keep them occupied while I checked the weather.com to see if there was any updates letting me know where the storm was.  Nothing came  up
( Had to check it  because my zune battery needed charging and I hadn't been listening to the radio previously.)

I called Bill who did not answer and text  the little girls mom to see if they knew anything. After leaving messages I realized today is Wednesday.  At noon on  specific Wednesday's is when the siren is tested.  But it wasn't noon...so then my doubt returned and the siren went off agian so we stayed downstairs a little bit longer.

The little girls mother text back saying they had not even heard the sirens.  That seems crazy in such a small  town.  As a child we lived 1/2 a block from the school and the siren was so loud you could not hold a conversation. At least I am near a school  and can hear it very well.

I was so proud of the girls.  They didn't cry even when they were swept up at the very end of nap time when they were still asleep. I am pretty sure it was only me feeling the adrenaline pumping through my body.  Either way I think we are ready if a real tornado were to come.

Babies amazing development Part 1

Can't believe it Charleigh is 6 months old on Friday!!!   it is crazy how time flies when you are responding to cries, feeding, changing diapers and doing crazy things to make these precious babies smile. 


For  the last 5 years I worked at an Early Learning child care center.  The director there pushed us to get more education.  I  went to a couple seminars on infants and toddler development.  At one of  them, the instructor got out a ball of yarn and had us throw it at another person in the circle as she told us a scenario the infant might face.  If it was a stressful  situation a person would drop their side of the string  section.  The lesson behind this activity was to show how the synapses in the brain connect and reinforced or how they can be interrupted during this crucial time of development..  It's one thing to actually hear  the material and see an object lesson.  It is another to experience it first hand.


never worked in an infant room so I was not sure what to expect when Charleigh was born. Would I really know what to do or enhance the enviroment so that all the synapses would make a web of smooth flowing information, which would benefit her development in four areas,learning language, motor skills, cognitive (thinking) , social (interacting with others). It is my opinion (which is based on the experiences with my daughter), the nature vs nurture argument is about balance. Both have to be present. Charleigh has many of her mom and dad's personality traits. She is determined like her mom yet very laid back like her dad until something goes wrong like not getting fed soon enough. But I can meet her needs and play with her and those qualities mature and change for the better or worse depending on how I deal with the situation.


Let's go back to the beginning, Charleigh was good sized when she was born weighing 8lb 9 oz and 21 1/2 inches long. She weighed in last week at 16 lb 2 oz.  She is growing like a little weed. Other physical changes has seen is her hair. She came out with just a little bit.  It did not grow until we started feeding her cereal.  Then overnight, you could see a difference. 
Regular food has been fascinating to her since about the 3rd month.  She would watch us intently every time we ate.  If we were eating something while holding her on our lap she would mimic us by opening her mouth and leaning forward.  So we start cereal at the middle of 4 months.  She is a natural eater.  We have not found a food she doesn't like yet.  So far her diet consists of  oatmeal, rice, or barley cereal and  peas, carrots, green beans, squash, avocados and prunes.  I am making my own baby food, that has been a fun challenge for me. 










I

First Mother's Day

I figured that since the whole topic of this blog is to share my first Mother's Day.
It became a weekend event.  My parents came on Friday.  Their visit was three fold to celebrate my birthday, mother's day, and Charleigh's dedication.

Saturday, we decided to go to breakfast to celebrate.  We all over ate because the food was so good.  Charleigh put on a show for all as she sat in the high chair eating her avacadoes and oatmeal and drank from her sippy cup.  I am sure her adorable personality and antics didn't add to people's interest.
Then we went to the farmer's market.  It  wasn't as exciting as I thought it was gonna be.  Charleigh slept through the whole thing.  Then it was back home to allegidadly relax.  Instead we  headed to the backyard to look at the  landscaping  project we started  back in October.  The weather was beautiful so we spent the rest of the day working on cleaning up the back yard and prepping the land for grass seed to be planted. The guys finished  planting the seed around 9:00 PM.
 In the middle of all that I found time to make Mother's Day dinner consisting of glazed apricot chicken, asparagus, mashed potatoes corn on the cob, with pineapple bliss cake for dessert.
We all slept in on Sunday since we have church in the evening.  I walked in and greeted the pastor's wife.  She has been a great support since we moved here.  She and her husband have accepted Bill and I from day one.  They prayed for Charleigh even while she was in the womb. So I was listening intently to what she said as she approached me, " Happy Mother's Day!  Does that seem wierd to hear since you have waited so long?"  I always wanted to be a mom.  It took 39 years for me to be ready and for God's perfect timing.  Then she continued, "Now you are in it for the long haul."  That struck me.  Sometimes I look at Charleigh and am amazed that she is my daughter.  Then other times fear comes over me and I wonder what  in the world I would do without her. 

The enormity of being a parent  continued to build as we were called up for  Charleigh's dedication.  Proverbs 22:6  was the key thought.  "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."  The pastor's thought was that we need to train Charleigh in the way that God would have for her not what we would plan for her.  I think at times that might be harder than I think.

Since then that small nugget has grown larger.  The moms club Bible Study Group is centered around the same topic.  One of the thoughts is knowing your child so you can tap into those passions instead of trying to live out  your life through theirs.  I have seen parents do this on several occasions.  Where does it get them?  It stresses everyone involved stressed out. I am not sure how it will play out with Charleigh she is so determined.  Her independent spirit is becoming more apparent as she has learned to sit and do her version of crawling that looks a little bit like a frog hop.  She is able to explore and get  what she wants even when it is not such a great idea.  It will be tricky to allow her freedom when appropriate but yet apply boundaries when needed.   The tight rope of balance will be a constant place of learning for the rest our lives.  It is a huge responsibility and a great priviledge to be the steward of this little life.

This new season  is bringing on some times of challenge and growth for all.  In the end it is one that has already given us great benefits which have included a great deal of Joy and increased faith.  So hearing Happy Mother's Day your in it for the long haul right now is bringing a huge smile to my face.

31 Days to Clean …Day 1

Today's reading assignment was short and sweet.  There was no cleaning assignment just lots of thinking.

Before we get into all the thought provoking material, I would like to draw a backdrop to the story that inspires this book.  It comes from the Bible, Luke 10:38-42

Jesus came to visit Martha’s house.  Martha was running around trying to get everything ready for their special guest.    She must have been anxious because she demands Jesus to tell her sister to help her prepare.  I can just see Jesus saying chill out Martha you are worried about all the wrong things.  Mary has the right idea. Where is Mary?  Listening to Jesus while sitting at His feet.

I think most woman can draw a parallel between themselves and one of these women.  I am like Martha.  I am a planner and I want to know that I have everything right so that everyone is happy, so often times I over do.  I run around trying to get everything done and often the stress seeps out and begins to affect the rest of my family.  It is hard for me to just sit still and do nothing.  My husband on the other hand is the total opposite.  I think that is why God put us together.  He tries so hard to "tame" me but it is a hard task. Mary on the other hand isn't just relaxing and lazy she is sitting t Jesus feet listening to His words and teachings.  I do this but not nearly as often as I should. I do think that the ideal is a balance of Martha and Mary is ideal.

So then my  own question as I start this journey is: What  does it mean...to be clean?

Definition of Clean –

·         free from dirt or impurities

·         containing no foreign matter or pollutants

·         freshly laundered or washed after use

Question for day 1 from the book:

What motivates you to have a clean house?  List all the reasons why you want this. These are in no partucular order.

1. People like to come to a place that is clean.

2. Bill likes the house to be uncluttered and I like to please Him.

3. It gives Charleigh a safe place to play and crawl.

4. It will prove to be a good example to Charleigh as she gets older.
5. If everything has a place it is easy to pick up. That way you don't have to spend as much time
     maintaining it.
6. It makes me feel good.
7. You don't have to panic when the unexpected guest come over.
8. Doing daycare it is a state regulation that your house is clean and reasonable uncluttered.
9. Hopefully germs are not spread easily.
10. I won't have to search for things and feel so scatter brained as I walk out the door.
11. I don't want to ever appear on the show Hoarders!!!
12. My grandparents and parents were good examples to me...They had a clean house and an open   door policy so that all were welcome at any time.
13. To some degree the issues you struggle with on the inside you see on the outside environment.
14. You build a house in vain if it is not built on a firm foundation…first Jesus then doing what we feel called to do…wife and mom calling:  Be a help-meet that works to create a wonderful atmosphere in our home.

 Mission Statement:

As the wife and mother it is my job to nurture and care for my family.

One of the most fundamental ways is to have a

clean, safe, welcoming environment

that allows us all to live with freedom and peace.

 It also allows us to have an open door

 to those that need a peaceful place to come and enjoy.

My mission is two fold

1. To stay dedicated to building my relationship with Jesus

through prayer and reading my Bible.

This keeps keep my heart clean soft and plyable so that ...

2.  I can follow in the footsteps of the woman before me in the ability to

Creating a home enviroment that is clean where joy, peace and love flow.

The foundation is now laid so now I am ready to get serious. 

New Goal on my journey

I had a thought  about the devotional 31 Days to Clean..A Martha House the Mary Way..

The cool thing about this book is it is for the Kindle reader. Never used the technology before. You can download it on your computer if you don't have the device. After exploring how to use it I think I might be hooked. Can take notes highlight passages, adjust light and darknesses of background as well as size of font so it is easier for your eyes.  Technology is making our lives so much easier...at least that is my perspective right now...

On to the main thought....

How many of you have seen the movie Julia and Julia?  Great movie about a young womans journey of working through another older and experienced  woman's cookbook.  So here is my crazy thought...

My whole goal for this blog was to capture my first year of motherhood...not sure that is being accomplished so I am going to try to use the devotional to help me focus on one of the hard aspects of being a mom...keeping your house clean and focusing on Jesus.

As I work through each "day"  I will post my thoughts, struggles, acheivements and maybe even some pictures. Realistically, I know some of these Martha  tasks are going to take more than one day to accomplish.  The book does not focus on multiple bedrooms and closets, or family rooms so this journey will not be done at the beginning of June.   Since the Martha aspects will take a little longer I will fill in the Mary aspects with other devotionals and Bible reading or maybe extra contiplation on the thoughts and scriptures Sarah Mae includes. 

If  you are tracking this and you have any tips thoughts or insights on either cleaning or spirtual contemplation addressed at the time I would love to hear your comments. 

Well here's to another set of lofty goals as a mom...Clean houses and Clean hearts..