Well I have a confession to make...I fell off the band wagon again. I am glad we can start over when we don't succeed. I keep going back in my mind to the T.V. show The Biggest Loser and those things that they had to do to do to get over themselves. Fear, not thinking they are worth it, doing it for someone else, a defeatest attitude.
They constanted repeated to the trainers why they were there. Even when they thought they had arrived they found there was still more to learn. I think I am on a path to learn some of these lessons for myself but in a little bit different way. Instead of having someone screaming in my face and making me do it I think I need encouragement.
The thing that made me realize that is at church tonight I 2 people who had no idea about my struggle came up to me at church last night and complemented me. Before that I had been so down on myself about being off track that I think I was becoming my own worst enemy again. But when these 2 people said that my mindset instantly changed.
When I was on the wieght loss journey before pregnancy I was going to Weight Watcher Meeting faithfully and hearing tips each week from people who were or had gone down the same road. We were all rejoiceing when there were successes and we could talk about how to get over the failures. So I am going to start tracking point again but this time my focus is going to be on dealing with my thought life. I am making an daily thought calendar that I can record some of the self talk that goes through my head, feelings I am having, successes and defeats that I experience. I might not blog about them all but they will be out there for me to see and acknowledge.
I am going to replace the bad and the ugly with good by finding scriptures that pertain to who I am in Christ and to the battles that go on in my mind so I can claim truth, because ultimately for me that is the goal to transform from the inside out. I want to remember who God is and what Jesus has done for me so I can reframe my reality and find my success and freedom in and through Him and his sacrafice. I want to do it not because it is a religious ritual but because accepting Him into my life and making him real for me 20 years ago changed my life for the better giving me hope because of His love, grace, and mercy. I want to fall back in love with Him and in turn find a new acceptance of myself.
All this is going to make me a better person. Because when I picture myself in my head at success I am able to see a person who has a smile on her face, a spring in her step, holding hands with her daughter and her husband while walking into the sunset on a sandy beach or on a hike in the mountians. A person who is not afraid, who is confident in who she is, who is teaching the next generation how to walk with their heads held high too. A person who believes in herself because the God of the universe says she was wonderfully made. I picture a woman who is ready to tackle the world because there is nothing holding back because she has faith that everything is in God's hands and He is not going to let anything happen that He can not redeem for good.
So here I go I am at the bottom of another mountain peak, the small windy trail before me, trekking poles in hand. I am taking the first step and now it is simple process.
|This is not my daughter although she is getting close to this procsess|