Monday, January 31, 2011

Making adjustments to motherhood

This afternoon I am in front of the fireplace watching the fire dance on a log while I sit and feed my daughter.  I am trying to get things organized so I can set up an inspection for us to be an approved licenced home care facility.   Starting this business is quite a feat; but it will be worth it in the end because i will be able to stay home with my daughter..

Floor play time...
Will they hold hands?

Charleigh playing with her new friend

I am beginning to wonder how my daughter is going to handle it. We had friends over the other night who have a little boy. Charliegh became a different baby. She got quiet and was so serious and then fussiness began. The parents had fun but  I think she was a little stressed because she was up till 1. So we all  slept in the next morning.  I can't do that everyday though.  It is days like this that I realize how blessed we are that on a normal night when she sleeps 4-5 hours between feedings at night. (She goes to sleep at 10 and sleeps till 2-3 and then up again at 7ish.)

Luckily today I see a glimmer of hope that all will be OK. My sweet smiley baby has returned.  i took her to the church nursery tonight to change her twice.  She watched the children intently as they played. So I think  that  she might be intrigued by the play of other children which in turn will be better for her social development.

As for me, I am adjusting to get us ready to go to places on time. So that will be an adjustment on my part even though we don't have to go somewhere for me to work. I do have to be ready for other children to come to our home and work around there schedules as well as meeting my daughters needs. Again this will be a hard juggling act but when we get into a grove hopefully we will all be better for it.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

oh my what a day...

Wednesday...Day 3
Things are going downhill...I need to repent, rebound and recover.
Today I went to the mom club's monthly recipe exchange. It was a lot of fun and there was a lot of really great food.  I feel like I made good choices while I was there but then I got home and ate second helping of my main dish and dessert.  From there the afternoon just got worse.  I have to learn how to have some will power.  I need to forgive myself self ; say it was a bad day and start fresh again tomorrow.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Tuesday -- Rough day

 Listing  the foods I ate for the whole world to see if they so choose helped me out  so much yesterday I think I will do it again today.  There is a certain check that happens in my soul if I know others will be seeing it.
Breakfast  -- 371
  • Skim milk w. ovaltine banana english muffin and egg whites.
Ok I did good posting my first meal and then went downhill from there.
So todays total calories was  2290.  Grrr! 
It doesn't seem like I did much but time seems to slip by so quickly.
Here is just a few things that have hindered my moving more goal.
  1. I did not excersice...:(   I did go up and down the stairs multiple times though while doing laundry and finding file so I could call on the home warrenty company to see what they can do about our fridge.  It is freezing everything.  Bill has tried to fix it but it doesn't seem to help.
  2. The last two days our side of town has broken water mains which has left our house without water for most of the day. 
  3. Charleigh's sleep schedule at night is pretty consistent but a couple nights ago I think she had a nightmare.  That night she slept in short time periods which means I was up a lot more. Tiredness is starting to take hold.
  4. I also have been working endlessly on my day care contract. There is a lot more to think about then I imagined. I have one family interested so now we just need to get the contract and the sunroom done so the fire marshall can come and inspect.
I also didn't read my Bible.  I did go to a new Bible Study that some of the woman from the MOM's club just started.  I am excited to start studying the Bible with other woman who are or have struggled with similar feelings and issues as I am facing now.  I am hoping it will be a place to build some friendships, have some accountability and support with woman the community where we were planted.

Well I guess I should go and try to lull my wide awake baby to sleep.  Oh I hope this is not another night with limited amount of sleep.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Monday -- Day 2 of changing habits

They say it takes 21 day to change a habit and another 21 to make it stick so maybe that is how I will keep track of things.

Reading: Matthew 6
Calorie intake: Thought I would include what I ate so that I can be accountable for not eating those cookies.
  • Breakfast 421...I eat my breakfast in 2 settings...right when I get up...and after I feed Charleigh the first time...about 2 1/2 hours apart.
    •  Light English Muffin  1 tsp peanut butter, 1/4 tsp honey, 1/2 w/w yogurt  skim milk w/ovaltine and banana
  • Lunch -- 607 calories...most people will think this is weird but this was my lunch.
    •  panera asigo cheese demi bread, asperagus stir fry with cottage cheese refried beans and tyrkey luncheon meat, tangelo, 1/2 piece banana bread.
  • Snack -- 375 calories 
    • 1/2 blueberry bagel, with 1 tsp cream cheese and a dinner roll with a sm. amount of pb.
  • Dinner  -- 793
    • Ham, scallop potatoes, lettuce, pineapple, fudgescicle, banana bread
  • Grand total -- 2196
I did it!!!  I stayed under 2200 calories and stayed out of the Girl Scout Cookies.  I did not excersice but I seemed to be so busy. Actually today was an off day.  Charleigh didn't sleep as well  last night so that has made me tired so I am hoping  tonight will be better because I would like to have more energy tomorrow.  Hopefully, I can stay focused and continue to change old habits into new ones.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sunday --- New discovery

  • Reading  -- Matthew 5  2:20 AM---Jesus introduces new expectations and  new twist on rules
  • Weigh in -- lost 1 lb. but you know how weight fluctuates throughout the day so I am not going to make this the total measure of my success.  However, I will try to weigh in first thing in the morning after a feeding because I have discovered that with  mommy milk I weighed a lb more.
  • Exercise -- walking around Wal-Mart...does that count
  • Calories -- I ate 2254 calories today which is just outside the range where i should be.  The problem today was food choices. My food choices were bad but self- discovery was good. What discovery did I make? 
  • Story  -- My husband and a friend were working on a home improvement project so I bought them Subway sandwiches for lunch as I left Wal Mart.  Wait!, let me back track a moment.  While in Wal-Mart my husband called and told me the girl scouts brought us our  cookies that I ordered at the beginning of November. So I ordered  3 Subway and figured that  since the guys were doing hard work I would buy them a treat.  I got 6 cookies: 2 Macadamia Nut White Chocolate, Chocolate Chip, or Oatmeal Raisin...all my favorite.  I figured we could each have 2. On the way home I remembered the girls who brought cookies to our house already. I ate one Macadamia Nut. Then after the guys chose the ones they wanted I ate a Chocolate Chip cookie that was left. Then I looked up the calories.  They were both 200+ calories.  When I told my husband how many calories they had he  replied, "Why did you even buy them?"  "I bought for a treat for you guys because you were working so hard."  Then it dawned on me that deep down inside I bought them because I wanted them and they were my excuse.  I would call that self sabotage.  Grrr!!!  But knowing that is the beginning of the battle, right?

Now tomorrow when my husband is at work and I am home alone with no one to see what I am doing; how am I going to stay out of those cookies?  I could toss them in the to extreme.  I could share some with the neighbors...but they probably all got hit up by the actual girl scouts and have a stash of them already.   I could limit myself to a few cookies a day... if I start I won't stop at least by myself so I will have to have Bill around to keep me accountable...Save them for a special occasion.  That sounds like a pretty good idea.  I just have to tell myself no and walk away, (if the cookies decide to call my name some afternoon around 3).  Well guess I have my work cut out for me.  On that note I am signing out.  Sleep well.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

update for week one

This week I have had some good moments and bad moments.  
  • Victories for this week is eating better and really realizing how making certain food choices does allow you to eat more for the same amount of calories. 
  • The bad things that have happened going to Chinese Buffet for a birthday lunch and making banana bread because we had to clean out the freezer.  I had to have a way to use the frozen bananas instead of throwing them away.  
I haven't weighed yet but I think that might have hindered the numbers on the scale going down.  I did work out  a couple times this week but I need to do more.  I think the workout  factor was the secret of my success last time.  It just seems hard to make time taking care of a baby. Wait! That is just an excuse, a bad habit that needs to be broken. 

This next week I am going to post all my workouts and calorie totals for the day.   I will also include what part of Matthew I readincluding any earth shattering insights. Maybe that will hold me accountable and lead me forward one step at a time victory.  So with the goals laid out I will say goodnight and see you tomorrow with good news to share.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


My thinnest 2009

Before  2008
Since all my goals this year require change I need to get my head around what it is going to take.  In church they talked about that very thing.  If we try to do it on our own it is just behaivor management.  Instead we need to submit ourselves to God and allow Him to change us from the inside out. I am stuggling with this when it comes to regaining my girly figure after pregnancy.  I went through my first journey of change  a couple years ago.  That journey went pretty well and I did succeed as far as losing weight goes.  I lost 45 lbs. But as I went on my journey I found myself fixating on the  plan and not on Jesus.  So this time around I would like to make an internal change while I work on the external too.

So action plan???  First I am watching what I eat. Since I am breast feeding I am suppose to eat anywhere fr om 1800-2200 calories a day. I also read that losing more than 1 1/2 lbs. a week is not safe because it releases toxins into your milk. Second, I am trying to move a little bit more. My body has had some extreme changes so I am building up slowly.  Thirdly, I am studying Matthew trying to get a bigger picture of who Jesus was and how he lived his life.
I need some accountability so maybe part of  that is blogging for me.  Bill sent me an article that had people who did something similar.  He thought it would inspire me.

So I will be posting updates on how I am doing weekly.  To start here are pictures of before and after my first journey, at 8 months pregnant, and after Charleigh's birth.


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Wow that hit me hard between the eyes

It is funny how being a Mom can change how you look at situations.  Things that you would usually sluff off becoming a big  deal.  Things that wouldn't  have phased me before do bother me now. The motherly instinct has set in whether that is good or bad is yet to be seen.

 I really started noticing it when we moved to Kansas.  I became scared stiff of spiders. They had taken residence in our house since it had been empty for  4 months. Bill thought I was going crazy.  My rationality was someday Charleigh will be crawling I didn't want her to find spiders crawling, go exploring and get bit by something poisonious. Once we had an exterminator come out and spray I relaxed a little about the whole situation.  
I would watch shows where the child would be abducted or the parent died unexpectedly and I would break out in tears because I could more realisticly put myself in that person's place. Then before Charleigh was born we had a night were she did not move  most of the night.  I was worried and the fact that I could lose this child became a huge fear.  Instead of just worrying about if she was ok we had a stress test done. Dr said she was just in a deep sleep.  Right then Bill and I had to grapple with the idea that God was ultimatley in charge and he has all of our days numbered so essential to lay it all in God's hands and cling to the fact he knew what was best.  I will have wrestle with this so I do not become the overbearing, sheltering mother. 

Then there is the being in shape issue.  I don't want my daughter to be consumed with weight loss but I do want her to know how to be healthy with an adequate level of activity.  I have been watching the Biggest Loser Couples.  The contestants have been wrestling with why they gained the weight.  Reasons include blame, guilt, laziness and as a means of escape.  Some of these stike an accord with me. 2 years ago I started a journey and got great results.  Got pregnant and gained more than I really wanted so I am on a path  back  to where I was.
I want the best for my baby but the unexpected  are always going to be present.  I know that there will be things that we will face that will cause both us and her to struggle. That is just a part of life and those struggles build character in us.  In order for the problem issues like worry, fear, control, obsession and lazinress not to be passed down to her I have to wrestle with my demons. My goal is to start claiming and clinging to  scriptures that well help me not fall into the trap that Satan has set for me.  If I do it on my own it will just be behaivor management.  If I do it with God's help and deal with my stuff the whole family will benefit with a better outcome.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dirty Tricks

Good news my baby slept through the night.  Praise Jesus I got some sleep, but since she has not done that before I must admit I had to go check her several times to make sure that her chest had a rhythmic rise and fall at 4:30 and 6:00 AM. 

Once she got up I noticed she must have spit up in the middle of the night because she  had a little bit of white residue  around her mouth.  As she ate she lifted her arm for me to see some kind of  black lint in the crevasses of her armpits. Then she opened her little hands to find the same black lint in the lines between her fingers and her hands the same black lint.  How does a baby get dirty when all she does is eat, sleep and poo. Maybe it is the tummy time where he hands actually touch the blankets on the floor.  On top of that she has a stuffy nose so I've been suctioning her nose, stinging  little booggers across her upper lip. So tonight became bath night. The first bath we were quite clumsy but we now have a system and it work great because we work as a team. Now our baby can smell good and clean. Charleigh likes bath time until it is over and we are drying off and getting dressed.

Something that has been a stretch for my husband is the poopy diapers.  When we were dating he use to say he would never be able to do it  and he would only do it for the woman he loved.  Well, here we are 4 years later, married and with a little cherub.  The first one we changed together he almost threw up but he endured. Now he does change the poopy diapers but he reminds me how wonderful I am when I volunteer to do the really gross ones.  You would think this cute little thing wouldn't have gross things coming out but lately she fills them up  at least one time a day.  All the more reason to give her a bath.

 So now we start the dirty work all over again. So until the next time...

Thursday, January 6, 2011

"Lord Bless My Child" and other Books

This morning I am trying not to watch as much TV during every  feeding.  It is becoming a bad habit and is not filling my head with beneficial material.  So I went to the bookshelf to see what books I haven't read or never finished.  One of the books is called "Lord bless my Child" by William and Nancy Carmiceal.  It is a collection of prayers about the development of your child's character development.   I spent one feeding reading on and praying for my little one to have a compassionate heart.  I also pulled off books that have a short daily  reading such as  "The Purpose Driven Life", "Love Dare", "31 Days of Praise", etc.  I am hoping ignite a passion for reading and studying again. 

 I also took out one of my old totally torn apart Bibles.  My goal is to go through the Gospels. I am starting at the beginning with Matthew.  I am going to put this Bible to use by scanning the notes into my computer and added them to my study journal documents.  Either that or cutting out the parts that jump out to me and glueing it in a written journal (but I am trying to reduce the books and paper that are just sitting around).  Good way to recycle something old tattered and incomplete.

Another book I am going to try to read is a book I got for my wedding.  "Created to be his Help Meet" by Debi Pearl...the woman that gave it to me warned me that somethings in the book will make me mad.  I will have to see if that is true.  I will let you know how it is going as I make new discoveries.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Little Moments

Sitting here thinking what to write about...
My sweet child is taking a nap so I went to check on her.  When I put her in her crib she was sprawled out  on her back arms over head.  Now she is laying on her side with her arms bent next to her face.  First time she has rolled part way by herself. 

She now smiles when we talk to her and makes  babble and cooing noises as we talk to her.  She is batting at things that are in front of her and trying to grasp things.  These changes are so miraclous.  I love watching things happen.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Challenges for a New Year 2011

Happy New Year!!
Short review of 2010
March - Found out we were expecting our first baby.
May  - Moved into a hotel room with temporary housing.
April  - Went under contract to buy a house purchase was finalized in June.
June - Found out that baby was going to be a girl.
July - Moved to Wamego K.S.  
September  - Started a part time work at a local day care quit the end of October.
November -   Due on the 8th. 12 days over due date.  Induced and had Charleigh Grace on the  2oth.

This next year, 2011, is bringing some new challenges.  That is why I am starting this blog.  I am 39 years old and a mother for the first time.  I use to make fun of people who were this old and starting a family.  Now that person is me. In a matter of minutes, my life has changed.  I am getting less sleep.  I have to do more multi-tasking seeing that there are 3 of us.   I am having to work on some of  my control issues, trying not to worry about things I can't change and just trusting God and his faithfulness. I love every minute of this change.   My baby is an angel.  Her facial expressions are so cute and  when she does cry, which isn't very often, she has a glottle stop and whimper that make my heart want to sweep her into my arms and fix it.

So I am entering the process of journaling at  6 weeks.  I am staying at home with  her so I am also adjusting to not having tons of dead lines and feeling like I am running around with my head cut off.  Instead I am doing more house work and still planning on getting licensed to have a day care in our home to bring in some extra money.  We are having to wait for home renovations to get done for that to actually happen.  Having all this time has been a struggle for me  but I am adjusting and trying to be productive.  Maybe  recording certian aspects of this new journey will  help me stay focused. 

My post will include topics that pertain to the goals for this year; such as: 
Figuring a healthy balance being a wife and a mother.
Getting this business venture going
Getting back into shape
Keeping  my relation with Jesus vibrant with all this change

Hope you enjoy reading about the journey...any helpful tips would be more than welcome.