Thursday, January 13, 2011

Wow that hit me hard between the eyes

It is funny how being a Mom can change how you look at situations.  Things that you would usually sluff off becoming a big  deal.  Things that wouldn't  have phased me before do bother me now. The motherly instinct has set in whether that is good or bad is yet to be seen.

 I really started noticing it when we moved to Kansas.  I became scared stiff of spiders. They had taken residence in our house since it had been empty for  4 months. Bill thought I was going crazy.  My rationality was someday Charleigh will be crawling I didn't want her to find spiders crawling, go exploring and get bit by something poisonious. Once we had an exterminator come out and spray I relaxed a little about the whole situation.  
I would watch shows where the child would be abducted or the parent died unexpectedly and I would break out in tears because I could more realisticly put myself in that person's place. Then before Charleigh was born we had a night were she did not move  most of the night.  I was worried and the fact that I could lose this child became a huge fear.  Instead of just worrying about if she was ok we had a stress test done. Dr said she was just in a deep sleep.  Right then Bill and I had to grapple with the idea that God was ultimatley in charge and he has all of our days numbered so essential to lay it all in God's hands and cling to the fact he knew what was best.  I will have wrestle with this so I do not become the overbearing, sheltering mother. 

Then there is the being in shape issue.  I don't want my daughter to be consumed with weight loss but I do want her to know how to be healthy with an adequate level of activity.  I have been watching the Biggest Loser Couples.  The contestants have been wrestling with why they gained the weight.  Reasons include blame, guilt, laziness and as a means of escape.  Some of these stike an accord with me. 2 years ago I started a journey and got great results.  Got pregnant and gained more than I really wanted so I am on a path  back  to where I was.
I want the best for my baby but the unexpected  are always going to be present.  I know that there will be things that we will face that will cause both us and her to struggle. That is just a part of life and those struggles build character in us.  In order for the problem issues like worry, fear, control, obsession and lazinress not to be passed down to her I have to wrestle with my demons. My goal is to start claiming and clinging to  scriptures that well help me not fall into the trap that Satan has set for me.  If I do it on my own it will just be behaivor management.  If I do it with God's help and deal with my stuff the whole family will benefit with a better outcome.

1 comment:

  1. It was amazing to me how much motivation I got from my son, to be a healthy role model for him